The 5 Best Places to Drink a Sprite

BY:DALTON

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This post is brought to you by JP’s Scrap Yard, Inc. The Midwest’s leader in scrap metal things and values!

5. Watching a football game: Whats better on a crisp fall day, where passion and tradition are in the air than an ice cold Sprite? Nothing!

4. At a funeral: Wow, so sad. Ya know what would make that better, pal? The refreshing lemon-lime taste of a Sprite!

3. Swimming: You don’t want to drink any of that nasty lake water when delicious Sprite is available for consumption!

2. Competing in an advanced computer hacking competition: You’ve been up for 72 consecutive hours. You’re growing weary and possibly coming down with scurvy. If only God created something that can give you the caffeine and citrus nutrients your body deserves. Well, God didn’t make that but our good friends at Sprite did! Drink Sprite!

1. When buying things from JP’s Scrap Yard, Inc.: Hands down the best way to Obey Your Thirst ™ and get your hands on some quality scrap! That’s actually how I met my first wife. I was looking at buying a door for my ’94 Jimmy and she was drinking a Sprite. The way that cool, crisp, refreshing, lemon-lime nectar hit her lips, I knew I had to have her. By her, I mean Sprite. Only way I could have that Sprite was if I married this woman in front of me. So I did. The marriage was awful. All we did was fight. We thought having a kid could save it but it only made it worse. The divorce happened and she took the house, the kid, and my ’94 Jimmy (which I just put a door on). But through all the heart break and fighting and lawyers, the one thing she couldn’t take from me was my invigorating Sprite!                  SPRITE!

 

Lakers Management Does the Right Thing

BY: DALTON

So incase you haven’t heard, the Lakers traded D’Angelo Russel and Timofey Mozgov to the Nets for Robin Lopez and a first round pick this year. People are calling this a move to free up space to sign a big free agent or trade for a big name player, i.e. Paul George. But, the Lakers front office can’t fool me; I know what this move is all about. The Lakers have chosen to side with Nick “Swaggy P” Young and I couldn’t agree with the decision more.

The Lakers play in L.A. (no duh) and this was about picking an L.A. guy over a non-L.A. guy. Compare the two, Russel is young, athletic, can score the rock, has a high ceiling, and will develop into a nice player. Young is swaggy and when you play in the City of Angels, swag is everything. Russel is a great basketball player but Swaggy P is an entertainer and the Staples Center is for entertainers only.

If this move surprises anyone than you’re a big dumb stupid idiot. Look who the GM of the Lakers is right now, Magic Johnson. Yea, the same one that was on the SHOW TIME Lakers. No one in the NBA is more show time than Mr.Swaggalicious. So I tip my cap to you Magic, I wasn’t sure if you could cut it as the GM of a franchise, but credit where credit is due.

Obligatory:

Swaggy P