Glorious Doom

There were at least a half-dozen plays that encapsulated last night’s game in a microcosm. My favorite came near the end of the third quarter when Khaleke Hudson, playing the game of his life, careened unabated around a Gopher tight end en route to one of his 2 sacks and 6.5 TFLs.  Hudson closed in on Demry Croft from behind in what, for Croft, was a case of unfortunate information asymmetry. Croft, rolling to his left and scanning, held on to a shred of hope that a receiver would break open, a running would might appear, and Minnesota might approach a more respectable scoreline. Meanwhile, a drenched crowd and a giddy TV audience felt a crescendo of glee knowing Hudson’s arc meant nothing but inevitable, glorious doom.

Michigan pummeled Minnesota from start to finish. Don Brown spotted them the first half touchdown drive he gifts every foe. The speck of resolve this instilled in the Gophers proved to be about as elusive as Chris Evans and Karan Higdon. The Wolverines’ ground game was punishing and relentless, producing stats so obscene I would not feel safe publishing them on this family-friendly website. Jim Harbaugh and Tim Drevno’s offensive gameplan was perfectly tailored for the inclement weather, which makes me wonder WHERE THE HELL WAS THIS AGAINST MICHIGAN STATE-sorry, that just slipped out, won’t happen again. Our Lord And Savior Brandon Peters was mostly superfluous, converting a few easy throws and getting plastered by an unblocked lineman in what was easily the scariest moment of the game. The accountable party, Cesar Ruiz, was benched, but until Michigan shores up their persistent problems in pass protection, it will be tough to thoroughly evaluate Peters, and expectations for the team will remain limited.

Still, it was hard to watch this game and not recall the fully realized Harbaughffense that made Michigan a playoff contender. With a full offseason and plenty of returning contributors, a challenge for next year’s Big Ten title seems realistic, despite an imposing schedule. After a chaotic Saturday within the conference, fans were investigating tiebreaker scenarios for 2017 (it’s not gonna happen) (but lol what if it actually happened…). All caveats about opponent quality apply, but in light of Ohio State and Penn State’s implosions, it felt alright to be a Wolverine.

Without further ado, 5 tweets:

This article’s title refers to Minnesota, but Ohio State’s demise was no less enjoyable. While I agree that Iowa shouldn’t have been punting on 4th and short in OSU territory, the football gods hold no sway in Kinnick. All the talent and righteous anger in the world could not rescue the Buckeyes from getting freakin’ pasted.

Bonus points for referencing a Simpsons episode I watched for the first time this week. Over- and under-rated are terms thrown around with reckless abandon nowadays. As such, I hesitate to use them. But, if it’s even possible after decades of near-universal praise and accolades, I think that show might be underrated.

NSFW. Also, what would this section be without stupid complaints in a blowout win?


If this is true, I need to revise my first paragraph.