RIP John F. Dunsworth (Jim Lahey)


Wow. What horrible news. RIP John F. Dunsworth aka Jim Lahey. For those of you who don’t know, Jim Lahey was the drunken trailer park supervisor on Trailer Park Boys. It is a cult classic TV series that I, and many of my friends, have fallen in love with. If you have never seen it, go watch it on Netflix. If youre not a fan, try and watch it again. It isn’t the most intelligently written show but it’s an easy watch and is packed with laughs.


Personally, Lahey was my favorite character on the show. The Shit-isms, the drunken escapades, the love affair with Randy, it was all great and never got old. I now look back at when I saw TPB live at the Michigan Theater and value it a little bit more This is the second celebrity death that has me legitimately shook. The first was Tom Petty just a couple weeks earlier. If TPB continues to film, it will never be the same.


RIP James Lahey. Your career will be celebrated by many and you will be missed by all. This weekend, I encourage everyone to get piss-drunk off of The Liquor in honor of the greatest trailer park supervisor these eyes have ever seen.

DTF: Week 4/Dean Blandino has Egg on His Face


What a boring game. It was legit 3 hours of me sitting on the couch, alone, scrolling on twitter while occasionally watching the game. No excitement, ever. This is not the Lions team I have grew on the past season and 3 games. Where was the 4th quarter come back? The late game heroics? Matt Stafford needs to understand that people are there to be entertained! Have you no shame Matthew?

But, in all seriousness folks, this was a good team win for the Lions. They went on the road, against a team that many pundits agreed was playoff bound and got the win. Did Dalvin Cook get hurt midway through the game? Yes, but even before he went out of the game, the defense was looking much better than last week. They somehow keep forcing turnovers and when you pair that with Stafford and the offense not turning the ball over, the Lions will win some football games.

This was probably the least engaged I was in a game for a number of reasons. 1. Wasn’t an exciting game 2.Was battling some mean indigestion from wings and pizza 3.Twitter was randomly popping off on non-NFL stuff and it was just too good to ignore.


The Good:

  • Anthony Zettel- The pride of West Branch, Mi. is making a huge impact on the defensive line when they have needed it most. He added 2 sacks to his name on Sunday and the biggest sack of the season on 3rd and Goal from the 3-yard line. For my money, he is the Lions most improved player this season based on production and necessity.
  • Defense- Just causing turnovers and getting stops like it was their job. Banged up on defense, with the injuries to Da…………STOP THE PRESSES


Look at this shit that enemy of the blog Dean Blandino put out:


I got to him. He’s so fucking shook its unreal. He says he likes “Vernons” ginger ale. Get the fuck outta here you bum. If you are going to try to extend an olive branch you should at least try to get your names right. We Lions fans are a proud people. Detroit is a blue-collar city that represents the entire state. I don’t have to explain that to Lions fans but I do have to explain it to you. You’re the opposite of blue-collar, but you’re not white-collar. You, you are special Dean. You piss off people of all working back grounds. No one likes you except Jerry Jones and his boy.

I am so far in your damn head. Could you imagine Goodell making an apology video to the Pats? You’ve fucked over the Lions so hard then when the heat comes on, you want to get out of the kitchen. Now, you want to break bread with us. As if the horrible officiating never happened. Why didn’t you make an apology to the entire league? Oh, because you only seem to screw over the Lions.

Good readers of the blog, this not only a win for me, it’s a win for us. In all serious, I feel like I have a legitimate part in this apology. By the way Dean, fuck you’re apology. We say no more. Detroit vs Everybody



Weekend Football Preview


Michigan- Bye week


Iowa @ Michigan State, 4 pm, FOX: Woof, not a great showing for the boys in green last week. Also, not a great week for the Hawkeyes either. But, it was a tale of two different stories. Michigan State flat out laid an egg on their home field vs ND. The Spartans couldn’t do anything right. Iowa, on the other hand, had a chance at knocking off Big Ten favorite Penn State and did what Iowa football does best, disappoint. Both teams coming off disappointing losses, so it comes down to coaching. Ferentz vs Dantonio, just what everyone wants. Given that State is at home and has the better coach, I’m going to have to give the edge to State. But, I’m picking Iowa because college football is weird and doesn’t make sense. PREDICTION: Iowa 21- MSU 17


Lions @ Vikings, 1 pm, FOX: After last weeks tough loss to Atlanta, Detroit is looking to bounce back as they go on the road to take on the Vikings in their first divisional game of the year. I know I keep saying this, but how the Lions play this week will be very telling. The Lions can come out and play with a chip on their shoulder from last week or they can come out and still be lamenting over the loss. Great teams play with a chip on their shoulder. Minnesota is a good team this year. Solid defense and some real weapons at the skills positions. Not going to be an easy test for Detroit. Good news? Case Keenum is due to regress to being Case Keenum after having a stellar week last week against the Bucs. If the defense can force 2 turnovers, the Lions win this game.                      PREDICTION: Lions 27- Vikings 14

Mail Bag 9/28


Thank you for all the questions! Lets get into it:


Morris from Southfield, Mi: “Do you think the Lion’s secondary has recovered from the trauma of the last time they faced the mighty Case Keenum?”

For all those who don’t remember, Keenum was the QB for the Rams last year and had maybe the best game of that season against the Lions. He threw for 321 yards on 27 for 32 passing attempts and 3 touchdowns. HOF worthy performance. Now to the question, I think the Lions’ secondary was transformed by that performance. Initially they were traumatized: not sleeping, screaming helplessly, etc. But they must have seen a sports therapist over the summer because this unit has been causing turnovers at a high rate (7 on the season) and I expect them to do the same this time around against Keenum and Co.


Jake from Grand Rapids, Mi: “Will the Lions be able to stop Dalvin Cook any more than the pitiful run D we had against Atlanta. Jerrod Davis going to be back, hopefully???”

First off, great use of the triple question mark. No injury this year has been more deserving of the triple qm. I did not expect Davis being absent to be so apparent. It seemed like the Falcons’ backfield could get 15 yards whenever they wanted. That being said, I don’t think that Minnesota will have as potent as a running attack because Cook isn’t as fast as Freeman or Coleman and with Davis out the defense looked slow, so a more powerful back plays better into an injured Lions defense. As for Davis, he returned to practice on Wednesday. He is still listed as questionable but I would say he is a little more than 50% chance likely to play.


Andrew from Grand Rapids, Mi: “ What do you think the team should do with Ebron? He doesn’t seem to be improving at catching passes when it matters. Cut? Trade? Bench?”

            To correct you Andrew, Ebron hasn’t improved on catching passes at all, whether they matter or not. I am officially done with Ebron. Now is cutting him a good idea? Not really because a team with its window currently open shouldn’t have any dead cap space. Trade? Who wants him? A trade would be ideal, even if it were for a used washing machine ala Ed Monix style. Bench? Benching him isn’t the best option because it takes away a perceived offensive weapon. Even if we fans know he isn’t any good, don’t tell other teams. The best option is probably to just reduce his role. Don’t even give Stafford the option of throwing to him in crunch time. So, a semi-benching.


Christian/Mike from around the United States: It was something along the lines of why do the Lions always get screwed?           

Mike proposed that it was due to the spite from some sort of pigskin deity. Christian chalks it up to some poorly thought out rules. I say it’s a combination of both. Not only does it take some very poorly made rules (thanks Dean) but it takes some sort of divine intervention for the Lions to always expose those rules. This is where Caldwell and Martha Firestone-Ford need to speak up. They need to express their frustration with the NFL because until they do, the NFL won’t do anything to address these dumb ass rules.


Tom from Deer Run Retirement Facility:” Which Lion do you identify the most with? My thought would be the 2nd tight end or a fullback?”

            If I had to choose one Lion, it would obviously be Greg Robinson. Not really wanted by anyone, consistently performing below expectations that are already low, and only used because the better option physically couldn’t do their job. Thanks for reading Tom!


Tim from Prescott, Mi: “What happened to the blog called Double coverage you wrote last year? Did you and the co-author have a falling out?”

            To be blunt, we did. And oh boy, it was messy. Lawyers, court, crying, saying things I wish I could take back. I cant really go into much more with out consulting my legal team. Just want to let the readers out there know that, despite what happened, Tim will always have a position here at and in my heart.


Eli from Cleveland, Oh: “What are the 5 best Pitino fired-related tweets/comments you’ve seen?”

Great question Eli! Really anything that has to with him ejaculating prematurely. There have been a lot of good ones.

DTF: Week 3 Recap


I want to say Same Old Lions so, so bad. It was a game the Lions should have won, but fate got in the way. I don’t want say fate though, fate has an implication that something positive will happen. What is the term for “negative” fate? Inevitability? It was inevitable that when the play went into review that not only was the Golden Tate touchdown, with 8 seconds left, getting called back, but some other divine happening was going keep the Lions from winning the game. Divine intervention happened once again. Its name? Dean Blandino. For the new readers, one of my life goals is to be banned by Dean Blandino on twitter. I think he is the most crooked, sly, lie-to-your-face, awful-at-his-job man alive. Back to football, a 10-second run-off was issued because the clock was under 2 minutes and the Lions did not have a time out left. Game over. Go home Detroit fans, thanks for the money! **somewhere in an undisclosed Texas location, Dean Blandino and Rodger Goodell are yucking it up just thinking about how they screwed the Lions again**


Before I get into the good, bad, and ugly of the game, let me say this about the 10-second run-off rule. It was applied correctly in this situation, but it is a god-awful rule. It essentially said, the refs messed up the call on the field, the refs corrected the call on the field, and you get screwed. IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT RULE MAKE SENSE?!?! Once again, this rule will be revised in the offseason because the Lions were the beta test team for the NFL rules committee.



  • Darius Slay and Glover Quinn: They seemed to be the only people on the defense who wanted to make plays. Slay had two interceptions and Quinn had a huge interception return for a touchdown right before halftime. I’m glad to see Big Play Slay shut down Julio Jones, who had 7 receptions for 91 yards, but it was a quiet 91 yards.
  • The Crowd: It sounded l-o-u-d in Ford Field. The crowd did their job and forced multiple offside penalties. Ford Field has a sneaky home field advantage.
  • Matt “DA GAWD” Prater: $$ **ka-ching noise** $$$ **cash register noise** $$$



  • Matthew Stafford: He didn’t play horrible, but when Slay intercepted his second pass of the day, he absolutely needed to capitalize and get some type of score. Even if they muster up a field goal on that drive, they win. He played well and showed nice touch on the ball all game, something that he didn’t have earlier in his career.
  • The Defense: Did they only force one punt all day? Yea, but they forced three turnovers and had a score when the Lions needed it most. Couldn’t stop the run and it seemed like Atlanta could get 8-12 yards whenever they needed it. I didn’t think missing Jarrad Davis would have that big of an impact, but apparently it did. The Lions need him to get healthy, quick, if they want to hang around as a contender in the NFC



  • Eric Ebron: I am ready to jump off the Ebron train. I was down to give him every opportunity to succeed. But, what I saw on Sunday afternoon was inexcusable. Multiple drive killing drops in a game that could have boosted organizational confidence to an all-time high. His contract is up this year and I really hope that Bob Quinn just lets him walk because he is officially, a bust.
  • Ziggy Ansah: “Dude, Wheres My Pass Rush?” A Ziggy produced film playing in Detroit every other Sunday.
  • Dean Blandino: I hate you so much.



This game was a tough one to gauge. The Lions played like absolute trash, yet made enough plays to have a chance in the final seconds. I’m not sure what this says about the Lions team, who have beat the winless Giants and the one win Cardinals. Are they good? Yea. Are they competitive? No doubt. Are they ready to contend in the NFC? Not sure, how they respond to this loss will be very telling of how focused Caldwell has this team.


P.S.- So I was helping my dad sell antiques at a swap meet, basically a garage sale, and some dude would not buy a CB antenna for a $1. Literally picked it up, looked at it for like 5 minutes, then asked me if it worked. DUDE, it’s A SINGLE DOLLAR. If you need a CB antenna, take a chance on the $1 gamble. If I needed something that regularly costs $25 and I have a chance to get one that is a 50/50 shot at working for $1, I’m doing that deal every day of the week and twice on Sundays. What an idiot.

Weekend Football Preview


Michigan @ Purdue. 4 pm. FOX: First true road game of the year and Michigan will not be going in on a high note. After offensively struggling against both Air Force and Cincinnati, Wilton Speight and company need to get on the right track. I, a self proclaimed Maize & Blue fan, am quite worried about the state of the offense. I’m not sure what the problem is. Well, its two things, the quarterback and the play calling. At first, I thought it was only Wilton. Then, somewhere around halftime of the Air Force game I noticed that Michigan’s plays just kinda suck. Not much creativity or deceptiveness. Purdue on the other hand has become one of the Nation’s favorite “dark horse” teams. They score points, a lot of points. But, luckily for Michigan their defense has the potential to be a top 5 unit in the country. Michigan wins contingent on two things; Ty Isaac is healthy and the defense plays at 75% of what it has this year. PREDICTION: Michigan 21- Purdue 14

Notre Dame @ Michigan State. 8 pm. FOX: I’m not sure if State fans consider this a rivalry game, but this matchup has produced some pretty entertaining football games and I expect this one to follow in suit. As of now, the advantage goes to Michigan State. No one is really sure where these teams fit into the national picture. ND has beat two nobodies but lost at hoe to a mediocre Georgia team. MSU has played one tune-up game then a feisty Western Michigan team and have looked better than expected in both. All signs are pointing to a MSU Victory. Off a bye week, at night, at home, and against a ? ND team. PREDICTION: MSU 28- ND 24

Atlanta @ Detroit. 1 pm. FOX: Huge game for the Lions this week. This will be the toughest game to date and possibly the toughest game of the season. Falcons are coming in after dominating the NFC North foe Packers. A lot variables to watch during this contest. As of 10 am on Friday, Jarrad Davis was still in concussion protocol, but Ameer Abdullah should be healthy. Luckily for the Lions, some of the Falcons defensive line is already ruled out. The Falcons offense is the class of the NFC and Julio Jones will give the Lions’ secondary headaches all day. I’m 0-2 in these predictions so far (thought Lions would be 0-2) and I certainly hope I go 0-3. PREDICTION: Atlanta 31- Detroit 24


DTF: Week 2


Going to put my hand up on this one, folks. I thought that the Giants would be a much better team than that. I thought with the return of OBJ that their offense would start clicking again. What I didn’t think, was that the Giants offensive line was actually as bad as what people said it was. I just assumed it was some Giants fans bitching about their team and over exaggerating their problems like every other fan base in sports. I also bought into their defense. While the Giants did a nice job getting pressure on Stafford, he did a great job side stepping that pressure and extending plays in a Big Ben-esque manner.

Now that I’ve torn down the Giants and myself lets talk about the Lions. This is a Lions article right? The team looked great, plain and simple. They dominated all phases of the game. After seeing the Giants for two weeks, they are a team that the Lions should beat every time. But, I wont take away credit from a road win, in prime time, against a conference opponent that was desperate.

It has been a weird start to the season, to state things bluntly. The Lions had the awful 1st quarter to start the year, then, for the next 7 quarters they have absolutely dominated their opponent. Even if the Cards and G-Men turn out to be bad teams, good teams dominate bad teams. I know that it is weird to say, but the Lions might actually be good this year. Next week against Atlanta will tell a lot (thankfully its home). But, we will worry about next week, next week. Lets just bathe in a bathtub filled with Honolulu Blue Kool-Aid for the time being.



  • The Defense- For the second week in a row, I have had to put the entire defense in the Good section. Kept the Giants in check the entire game. The line kept up pressure and the secondary kept OBJ in check. I don’t care if OBJ was coming off of an injury, if they allowed him on the field then the Giants training staff felt he was good enough to make a difference and the Lions completely negated that difference (4 rec, 36 yrds). Have to give special shout-outs to Ziggy Ansah (3 sacks) and Quandre Diggs (huge 4th down stop that practically iced the game).
  • Matt Stafford- Eat your heart out, haters. Ho-Hum, Stafford just went out there and earned that money again. But Dalton, he only had 122 yards of passing. He only threw the ball 6 times in the second half. SIX! He was in control of the offense for the entire game. Didn’t throw any interceptions and kept multiple plays alive with his feet. How is it possible, that in his 9th season in the League he is getting better at scrambling? It doesn’t make sense. 2 games into being the highest paid player in the league and he’s earning every penny of that deal.
  • Special Teams- Prater = Gawd. Jamal Agnew with a dagger 88-yard punt return for a touchdown. Good kick and punt coverage the entire night. An absolutely terrific performance turned in by the Lions’ Special Teams.
  • Run Game- Abdullah rushed for 86 yards on 17 carries and broke off a couple 20+ yarders. The line did a nice job run blocking, particularly Lang and Wagner, and they did a nice job at the end of the game allowing the Lions to just run the clock out.


  • Jeff Locke- The only down side of the Lions’ Special Teams. I thought he had quite a few opportunities to pin them deep but he was only able to get them between the 15 and 20-yard line. This is really a stretch for bad, but I needed something.



  • Injuries- As of 5 pm on Tuesday, Caldwell would not let us know if Jarrad Davis is in concussion protocol or not. Losing him would be a huge blow to the linebackers. Not sure what the injury on Abdullah was but hopefully he only tweaked something and they took him out because the game had already been decided. Definitely something to look at through out the week.
  • Greg Robinson- The replacement for Decker is playing like a replacement. I feel for him though. He doesn’t want to do shitty and the Lions were handcuffed on where to get a replacement left tackle. Multiple penalties and getting beat consistently. Luckily for Robinson, Stafford was a wizard with his feet.



P.S. So, apparently I’m allergic to shellfish now. Was eating with a friend and had some shrimp with my dinner. Didn’t feel anything but noticed I had an allergic reaction on my leg. Thought it might have been a chemical reaction to a Canadian Loonie that was in my pocket. Whole body broke out in hives and I decided to do a little research. Turns out, adults can just randomly develop food allergies. This fucking sucks, I really enjoyed shrimp too.



Its back folks! Down the Field has returned with a vengeance. What a week one opener, huh? It looked like we were in store for a classic Lions game. They started with an interception on Palmer. “Ok, here we go! Lions look a little different than they did in preseason”. Then on Matt Stafford’s first pass into his new contract, he delivers a strike right to Justin Bethel (Cardinals Cornerback) for a touchdown. “Fuck”. Then the Washington kick return to the 7-yard line. “Oh, come ON! Seriously?” Then our punter did this sill thing where he didn’t punt it and instead of taking the safety and letting our defense try to get the ball back, he decided to take it out the end zone and promptly get injured. “Same Ol’ Lions. Its gonna be a long season!”

Then, I’m not sure what, something happened. The Lions started to make their own luck. The defensive line started to get pressure and forced another interception Stafford marched them down to the 6-yard line , scrambled around, and delivered a strike to Marvin Jones. But, of course, Prater and company botch the extra point. “Ya know, given how the games going, I’ll take 10-6” Defense gets back out there and forces a 3-and-out with 4 minutes to go in the half. Stafford stalls out. They exchange punts and the Lions get the ball back one more time before the half ends. It just so happened though that the Lions have a kicker with a cannon for a leg. Prater good from 58 and the Lions go into the break down only one point. “Hey, they’ve been in that position before. Cardinals are starting to look like the SOL by letting us hang around”

The Cardinals second drive of the second half results in a touchdown, 17-9. “It’s ok, we’ve been here before” Lions get the ball back and punt. “Fuck, again” All of a sudden, A’Shawn Robinson (second year in NFL) forces a fumble and its recovered by Jarrad Davis (rookie). “Bob Quinn guys are starting to make plays!” Stafford hits Theo for a short gain inside the 10-yard line but Theo does Theo things and makes everyone miss as he scampers into the end zone. Lions go for two but don’t get it, 17-15. 4th quarter comes and everyone is thinking the same thing, “Matt Stafford can start to earn his money in week one with another come from behind win”.

Lions get the ball back in the 4th with 14:16 to go and down two. Stafford gets the offense going with the no-huddle and delivers a jump ball to Kenny Golladay for a go-ahead score. “AINT NO HYPE TRAIN LIKE THE GOLLADAY HYPE TRAIN BECAUSE A GOLLADAY HYPE TRAIN DONT STOP!” 21-17. Lions defense gets a 3-and-out and then Stafford delivers maybe the best ball of the day. A 45-yard touchdown strike to a diving Golladay. “Mini-Tron!!!!!!” 28-17. With 4:13 to go in the game and the Lions up 2 scores, it was certainly over. Ford Field was rocking, the beer was flowing like the tributaries of the Mississippi, and dreams of Super Bowl runs were dancing like sugar plums in peoples heads. Then, another dose of pure ecstasy, Miles Killebrew returns an interception 35-yards for a score that pushes the over (48.5) and now theres a little extra money in everyones pocket. The Cardinals get a garbage time score and that was all she wrote. Lions stand strong and get a huge win at home against an Arizona team that many analysts were high on. ON TO THE CRITICISMS!



  • The Defense- They were dominant in every sense of the word. They forced 4 turnovers and only allowed 45 net rushing yards. They are the main reason that Detroit won the game. If it weren’t for the defense, the game could have snowballed out of reach by the 2nd quarter. The pass rush looked exceptional despite only getting one sack. They were pressuring Palmer all day and force a lot of bad throws which resulted into turn overs. The defensive backfield, including the linebackers, looked good too. I didn’t see or hear Slay’s name much which is the best way to measure a cornerbacks day. If they can play like that on a consistent basis, playoffs shouldn’t be a surprise, they should be expected.
  • Matt Stafford- GTFO for all those people shitting on him after that pick-6. Tate was basically tackled on the play which is why there was no receiver there. Ya know, lets just say that it was Stafford’s fault. Is 29/41 for 292 and 4 touchdowns not good enough for the haters? But, Dalton, he only pads his stats when games are out of reach! Stafford moved the ball consistently all day and dismantled a Cardinals team that was in the NFC Championship game only two years ago. He was dropping dimes all over the field and even his misses weren’t that bad. Pro Football Focus said if you take away drops and other things out a QBs control, Stafford threw for an 89.5% completion rate. Are you still gonna sit there and tell me he wasn’t worth the money? Idiots.
  • Halftime Adjustments- I’m not sure how it happened, but I think that Caldwell out coached Bruce Arians. The 1st quarter was awful, more on that later, but they got into halftime and the Lions absolutely dominated the second half. Give credit to this coaching staff for keeping everyone level headed after a rocky start.
  • Red Zone Efficiency- 3/3. Thats pretty damn good.


  • The Run Game- Not a great showing for our supposedly “revamped” run game. Only totaling 82 net yards. One thing I noticed though, it seemed like the offense refused to run it over the right side. You would think with upgrading that side of the line, coupled with the speed of Abdullah, they would try the right side a little more. Instead, they kept going between the tackles and on the left side. Not sure if that was a result of game planning or what but keep on eye on where the ball gets ran next week at the Giants.
  • Field Goal Unit- I know Prater boomed in a 58-yarder but you can’t mess-up extra points. Luckily, it didn’t hurt us this game but it definitely could play as a huge factor down the road. I love Prater, but missing PATs will land your unit in the bad section every week.


  • 1st Quarter Everything- Maybe one of the worst opening quarters to a season that the Lions have ever had. Pick 6, bad return, botched punt, no offensive movement. For as much credit I gave the coaching staff for their halftime adjustments, I can’t look past how poorly prepared the Lions were to start that game against what appeared to be an inferior team.
  • Punting- Back-up punter tore his ACL and we had Prater punting for us. Not good. Hopefully they sign a solid backup till Martin returns and we don’t have a situation like after Hanson left as our place kicker.
  • 2-Point Conversions- 0/2 on plays from the 2-yard line is not a good stat to have on the record. How do you not have a handful of plays that can get you the 2-points at a 95% success rate?


Outside of the 1st quarter it is really hard to get on this team. They played dang near perfect football for 3 quarters and were lucky that the 1st quarter didn’t put them in too big of a hole. While the Giants didnt look good on SNF, playing in New York on a Monday night won’t be easy. Enjoy this high for as long as you can, because it may not make it till Tuesday.

P.S. So after the game, me and my buddy Crespi went to Greektown Casino and was part of the most electric Black Jack table you’ve ever seen. We started calling this one older guy “Coach” and he just loved it. To make a long story short, Coach won about $10,000 that night and I can’t help but feel me and Crespi helped some how. So this blog is dedicated to you Coach.

Weekend Football Preview


Cincinnati @ # 8 Michigan, 12 pm EST, ABC:  There isn’t a whole lot to say about the game. This should be a cupcake contest for the Wolverines. After a big win against Florida, they can rest easy for the next few weeks. Expect the play calling to be conservative for a couple of reasons. The biggest reason would be to put more confidence into Speight and to not tip their cap to future opponents. Expect a lot of carries from Higdon and Isaac while Evans protects himself from potential injury. The most important thing for Michigan here is to get out of here healthy. Prediction: UM 35-7

Western Michigan @ Michigan State, 3:30 pm EST, BTN: The Spartans can’t share the same luxury as their rivals in Ann Arbor. Western comes in after a nice 3 1/2 quarters against USC in Pasadena. While State struggled at times vs Bowling Green their defense played very well in the second half and Lewerke seems to have a nice early season report with his receivers. To be clear, MSU is the superior team in this matchup. Western is still solid behind Bellamy and Bogan but they certainly aren’t the NYE Bowl Game team that they were last year. State wins this game by two scores unless they continue their turn the ball over. If they do, it could be a long game, week, season for the Sparty faithful. Prediction: MSU 27-17

Arizona @ Detroit: 1 pm EST, FOX: I dont want to make a mountain out of a mole hill for a week one game but if the Lions have a good showing, win or lose, it will be a fun season to watch at the very least. The Cardinals offense is based solely off of David Johnson, as it should be. He’s a beast, AN ANIMAL, and will be tough for the Lions to contain. Especially considering they don’t really have any linebackers. If the Lions can keep Johnson around 100 yards and 1 td, they can win this game. Palmer isn’t the same QB he was 2 years ago and can’t fling it around the yard like Paul Crewe in prison. The Lions offense is good enough to score on the Cardinals’ defense because of weapons like Tate, Jones, and a healthy Abdullah. This will be a battle won in the trenches and I feel who ever can get the most production on the ground will win. Also, I don’t have it in my heart to pick against the Lions in the home opener. Prediction: Lions 28-24

Detroit Lions Season Preview


With football season creeping up on us like a weird dude at the bar (that reference is for all my chick readers) ((sup?)) its about time this old timer gives a crack at the season schedule.  These predictions are based on every one staying relatively healthy for both the Lions and their opponents.

Week 1 vs Cardinals: Home/Season opener in the newly renovated Ford Field. When they opened up Ford Field in ’02 the Lions lost their home opener. I don’t think that will happen here. FINAL RESULT: Win     RECORD:1-0

Week 2 @ Giants: Sal Palentonio only reports from the Meadow Lands. Thats bad news for the Lions because……idk the Giants are just a better team all around. What do you want me to say? FINAL RESULT: Loss     RECORD: 1-1

Week 3 vs Falcons: Super Bowl hangover has wore off for the Dirty Birds but I don’t think it will matter. I feel Matt Ryan had a fluky good season last year and that defense lost its edge. Julio will be a load but I have a lot of faith in Slay. FINAL RESULT: Win     RECORD: 2-1

Week 4 @ Vikings: Vikings are going to be a good team this year. Not great, but good. Love everything about them except Sammy Sleeves aka Sammy Check-down aka Sam Bradford. He literally doesn’t throw the ball more than 10 yards down field. Dalvin Cook is going to be a nice back, maybe ROY, but the paper mache skeleton under center will hold this team back. FINAL RESULT: Win     RECORD: 3-1

Week 5 vs Panthers: Despite them having an atrocious season last year, its bounce back time for the Panthers. Lions linebackers have no answer for Cam or Christian McCaffrey. River Boat Ron is also the strongest nickname in the NFL behind Frank Gore.                       FINAL RESULT: Loss     RECORD: 3-2

Week 6 @ Saints: The Lions got a huge W in the Super Dome last year but don’t expect that again this year. Saints are gonna Saint and throw up a billion points, especially if the Lions haven’t addressed their pass rush by this point in the season. FINAL RESULT: Loss     RECORD: 3-3

Week 7 BYE

Week 8 vs Steelers: lol FINAL RESULT: Loss     RECORD: 3-4

Week 9 @ Packers: See above. FINAL RESULT: Loss     RECORD: 3-5

Week 10 vs Browns: Gut check time for the Lions. They have lost 4 in a row and the lowly Browns are coming into town. Will they be the SOL or have they actually turned over a new leaf? FINAL RESULT: Win     RECORD: 4-5

Week 11 @ Bears: First matchup against the Bears and I fully expect Trubisky to be the starter at this point in the season. The Chicago defense could be a top 5 defense in the league but a rookie QB and no receivers won’t bode well for the Monsters of the Midway. Stafford also wants revenge from losing last year in Chi-Town. FINAL RESULT: Win     RECORD: 5-5

Week 12 vs Vikings: Thanksgiving Day game, on a 2 game win streak, and a chance to sweep a divisional opponent. Too many good things going for the Lions to screw it up.           FINAL RESULT: Win     RECORD: 6-5

Week 13 @ Ravens: Is Flacco elite? No, but he has a good team around him and the Lions suck on the road against good teams. I don’t see this as game where Caldwell can reverse this trend. FINAL RESULT: Loss     RECORD: 6-6

Week 14 @ Bucs: Everyone loves the Bucs this year but I think thats just the “Hard Knocks” effect. I feel they will be around .500, similarly to the Lions, and the Lions do well against mediocre teams. Maybe a bit of reach here  but… FINAL RESULT: Win      RECORD: 7-6

Week 15 vs Bears: Bad Bears team at home and the playoffs just off the horizon, this is a must win. They get it done and get my spirits just high enough to come shattering down when they miss the playoffs. FINAL RESULT: Win     RECORD: 8-6

Week 16 @ Bengals: Bengals are always the toughest team to gauge. They are the epitome of average. Like, how the hell am I supposed to gauge this game? I guess just take the L and hope Burfict doesn’t murder any of our offensive players. FINAL RESULT: Loss     RECORD: 8-7

Week 17 vs Packers: Hopefully the Packers have won the division and already secured a first round bye and are sitting all of their starters. Thats the best I can hope for.       FINAL RESULT: Win     RECORD: 9-7


I think that the Lions miss out on the playoffs because of some tie breakers. 9-7 is a decent record but not good enough to make a Super Bowl run. I hope I’m wrong though.

If You Think The Stafford Deal Was Bad, You’re Wrong


So, news broke late in the evening Monday night that the Lions and Stafford have reached an agreement on an extension. As the details slowly leaked, it was learned that it was a 5-year $135 million deal where Stafford will average $27 million/year. This makes him the highest paid player in NFL history, eclipsing (current event reference) Derek Carr, who makes $25 million/year.

The news breaks and the idiots come out of the woodwork. People were calling this a bad deal, pointing to his record. He hasn’t even won a playoff game and he’s the highest paid player in history! Well guess what folks, Stafford’s deal is gonna look like a god damn steal when 80 year old Drew Bree’s gets a $30 million/year deal. Or how about when Kirk Cousins gets $31 million/year this December? How do some people not understand that every year the contracts get bigger? Thats just the nature of the beast. Stafford is a Top 10 QB in the league, or at least on the very fringe of Top 10. As a franchise who’s best QB in the Super Bowl era was Scott Mitchell, you can’t let a premier quarterback in the prime of their career walk away to a different team. How many big time QBs hit free agency? None. Deals always get done. Do you people want to start another rebuild process with some no-name rookie or a washed up vet? Fuck, you people want us to become the New York Jets.

Bob Quinn has built a nice core with players like Tate, Slay, the new O-Line, Marvin Jones, Ziggy Ansah and to throw it all away by letting Stafford walk would have been a fireable offense. The most successful teams in the NFL have consistency year in and year out at both the coaching and quarterback positions. I can’t stress enough how huge it is that Quinn didnt let this get to free agency where other teams could drive the price up. Do you know how much money the Jets or Browns would pay for a guy like Stafford? I don’t because my brain can’t think of numbers that high. So this deal, in a few years, its going to look like a very reasonable contract.


P.S. Do you folks understand how hard it is to write an angry blog while hung over? Lets give me a standing round of applause.

Did I Just Solve the Police Brutality Issue?


In todays political climate, there seems to be outrage over everything. Whether its Liberals being triggered over a harmless use of a pronoun or Conservatives being super triggered over Liberals being triggered (the worst type of triggered imo). Wanna know why there was no outrage over this protester being shot? Well, for starters, he didn’t die. But more importantly, who doesn’t find a good shot to the groin comical? I’m not sure what side this guy was protesting against and, quite frankly, I don’t care. I just know that I see someone with too much time on their hands getting peppered in the nuts and I don’t see any media outrage about this protester, who wasn’t really causing any harm, getting attacked by police.

The police can use this video to turn a corner, instead of committing brutal acts of violence against people (shooting unarmed citizens), they should just carry around guns with rubber bullets, shoot people in the crotch, and release the video to the public. I think both Democrats and Republicans will be happy with more dick shot videos.

First Applebee’s, Then the World


Via NPR– 

Applebee’s announced this month that more than 130 of its restaurants will close by the end of the year.

The chain aimed to lure “a more youthful and affluent demographic with a more independent or even sophisticated dining mindset, including a clear pendulum swing towards millennials,” he said.

“From my perspective, this pursuit led to decisions that created confusion among core guests as Applebee’s intentionally drifted from its … middle-America roots and its abundant value positioning,” Cywinski said.

In other words, millennials didn’t go for it, and the regulars got turned off.


We did it! We millennials killed Applebees! Ding dong the witch is dead! Now that we have made our first strike, we may as well reveal our agenda. Obviously, the first step in our plan to cripple all that is right and good in this world is to take down Applebees. The Neighborhood Grill was the first line of defense. Now that families don’t have a place to sit down and pay above average money for below average food, shits gonna hit the fan. Mom is gonna become a porn star, Dad starts slinging meth on the corner, little Johnny dropped out of school and robs parking meters with his street tough friends, and Jane now hates her family and herself and has become a recluse. So now that we finally killed the traditional family via Applebees, we, the triggered millennials, will focus our attention on another beacon of American tradition, napkins. Where the hell are people gonna wipe their dirty ass hands? Their pants? HA. Once we get rid of napkins the only thing people can do to clean their hands is die. That’s when we make our final push for generational supremacy. I’m sorry to my fellow millennials for revealing our plans but I do love my parents so I just kind of wanted to give them a heads up before I become Supreme Chancellor of the World and have to put them in jail.

Lions Mailbag 8/12

First ever Lions mailbag (by me), so lets dig right in:

Matt from Austin, Tx-“It looked like it could be a promising year for the o line, we’ve had a couple injuries now. How do you think the o line will fair this year?”

Losing Decker for at least half the season was a huge blow for this unit. In the offseason, Bob Quinn made it clear that the O-line was a top priority and to see it already falling apart is disheartening. But, bringing in Wagner and T.J. Lang are both upgrades and with another year of experience for Glasgow and Swanson, everything but left tackle seems to be in place. Personally, I think that Greg Robinson, former Ram and Top 10 draft pick, will win the job over Kouandjio but thats what training camp is for. When Decker comes back, if the O-Line plays the same as last year, I would call it a disappointment. I expect big things once the former Buckeye gets off of the IR. But until then, expect a performance similar to last year. Not great, but just good enough for Stafford to stay clean most of the time.

Mike from Ann Arbor, Mi-“What’s the biggest question mark in the lions D this year?”

For me, its pretty clear cut. The linebackers need to step up in a big way. Jarrad Davis, this years 1st round pick, needs to be pro ready come September 10th. The Lions also need contributions out of guys who are used to only filling niche roles, i.e. Thurston Armbrister and Brandon Copeland. I’m not worried about Whitehead, I feel he has proven himself as an NFL worthy LB and bringing in Paul Worrilow (former Falcon) will add a steady veteran presence. If they play at 80% of their abilities then they will be a middle tier LB group.

Christian from Okemos, Mi-“Is it even worth it to invest my time and hopes in this season?”

You would probably have better luck investing in K-Mart, Sears, or what ever Bernie Madoff is peddling. But on a more serious note, invest time and hope in every year that we have left with Stafford.


BONUS- Matt from Austin, Tx-“Calvin Johnson not only has the right, but should, shit talk the Lions.”

Correct. When you’re a generational talent and get your entire career wasted, you can talk some of that sass.

Is “Closer” the Hottest Song I’ll Ever Experience?


I have given this question a lot of thought. The first thing I have to measure is the pure heat of the song. I’m not sure that any other song out there that rivals the type of heat that “Closer” brings. It gets everybody going. From the angelic voice of Halsey to the very, very mediocre voice of one of the Chainsmokers guy. The shitty voice can not be over looked because it makes the average man feel like he too can be a rock star, if only for 3 minutes. Remember folks, this was really the first big hit of the Chainsmokers. Yea, they had “Roses” but “Closer” took them to the top of the charts. Its catchy, its singable, and it doesn’t wear out. I still get internally hyped when it comes on at the bar.

I just touched on the heat of “Closer”. There is no doubt about its flames, but the EXPERIENCE associated with it may make it the hottest song in my life. It came out the summer going into my senior year. That means welcome week. I couldn’t walk by 5 dartys with out hearing it at 4 of them. Hell, at my house we had a policy that it had to be played every 3rd song. No one could escape the wild fire that was known as “Closer”. If “Closer” was a volcano, then Ann Arbor was Pompeii. Forever enshrined in the ashy aftermath and life was never the same.

Final Conclusion: “Closer” IS the hottest song I will ever experience.


P.S.- The only song that even thought about rivaling “Closer” was “Timber” by Ke$ha and Pit Bull. Holy shit, that song was hot.