My Attempt at Eternal Glory


The allure of conquest has always been the bane existence of man. From the earliest days of hunters and gatherers roaming around Pangaea to Lewis and Clarke traversing across the early American West to Neil Armstrong being the first man to walk on the moon. Humans have always been pushing the limits in the search for knowledge. It is what has driven us to our greatest accomplishments. Lately though, the human race has stagnated. When was the last great human advancement? The internet? We have become complacent as the top dog on the planet and I, for one, plan on reigniting that burnt out candle of wonderment.


Abraham Lincoln opened every speech with “Be the change you want to see in the world”. He was a great man and those are great words to live by. How can I sit back and criticize the likes of Elon Musk while I have yet to really contribute anything to the global society? It would make me a hypocrite, much like Joel Osteen or any other televangelist. I simply could not live with myself if I heard my name uttered in the same breath as the “honorable” Billy Graham. In a moment of genius, I knew what I had to do to help mankind.


THE WHAT: Eat two whole watermelons in one sitting

The task is quite simple. I have to eat two (2) entire seedless watermelons in one sitting. I originally was going to do just one watermelon but after walking by the watermelon bin in Meijer, I figured I could do one watermelon quite easily. No one has ever etched their name in history by taking the easy way out. How long is one sitting? I will sit down to eat the melons and will not be able to get up until they are finished or I give up. I will prep the watermelon into slices before the event. I will make sure I use the bathroom before the event. I will only count the endeavor a success if I can successfully eat both watermelons without having to get up.


THE WHERE: My house

Many great humans created their contributions in their own home (Edison, Bill Gates, the guy who invented A/C). I plan on doing the same. I must be comfortable. As much as I want to do this event on a stage, with the fans, and with the city, I simply cant. I’m not doing this for the fame. I am doing this for me, for all of us.


THE WHEN: This Saturday (7/27)

It was the first free day I had.
THE WHY: For the betterment of the human race

To my knowledge, no one has ever attempted this before. I’m not even sure a person can consume this much watermelon, but to live in the dark is worse than dying in the light. We need to keep pushing the envelope. The human race has become stagnant and I will take it upon myself to be the jump start this dead battery of a species needs.


Am I a hero? I wasnt put on this earth to answer that question. I will leave that up to the fans/media. I just know that whether I am successful or not, I wouldnt be able to live with myself if I didnt attempt this historically monumental feat. If you believe in a God, pray to him for me. If you dont, I just ask that you tell your family and friends you love them. Above all, please remember the where you were the day Dalton Potocki attempted to eat two whole watermelons.


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