BY: DALTON

So get this, there I am minding my own business at work when this brain-buster of a thought pops into my head. Which is more likely to happen in real life, the story line to Footloose or Planet of The Apes?

To clarify; Is it more likely that a town would ban dancing or that apes will fight humans to become the dominant species? It is certainly an interesting argument that the ol’ brain cooked up.

Arguments for Footloose:

  • There are already places where women are suppressed and I could see a militant dictator deeming dancing as feminine, thus banning it.
  • Statistics show that humans are getting lazier and dancing is quite the work out. It would be more of a phase out than a ban.
  • People who are good at dancing are insufferable. You’re not a better person than me and there are more bad dancers than good dancers. A Bad Dancers uprising could occur and the correct legislation could be created to ban Good Dancers from showing us up

Arguments for Planet of the Apes:

  • Evolution put us humans ahead of apes a long time ago, but as the saying goes “what goes around comes around”
  • Statistics show that humans are getting lazier and we may just give up our spot as top dog simply because we would rather watch Netflix and kill chain restaurants. Damn libtard triggered snowflakes.
  • Its also possible that the apes team up with artificial intelligence because they are sick of our shit. Cant blame them either. I couldn’t find a damn parking spot on campus today and since apes don’t drive cars, if they took over as the dominant species there would be a lot more parking spaces open. The apes would have to deal with the A.I. though and that could prove more than problematic, but if humans aren’t top dogs, who gives a fuck. The robots are the apes’ problems now.

 

This is a tough question that nobody wants to answer (we tested by asking celebrities on their Instagram live feeds). But, maybe you, the loyal readers will be able to take this bull of a question by the horns and wrestle with it till you tie its feet together or you get gored to death by its horns, metaphorically speaking of course.