BY: DALTON AND BENJI

If the name of the establishment were it’s rating, it would be 4 points too low. This place is the perfect mix of self-reflection, pure ecstasy, and community. The soda fountain puts Coors beer to shame because if they are as cold as the Rockies, the pop is as cold as the mountains of Jupiter (-245 degrees F). The women behind the counter feed me so well I forget who my mother is, feed me more taquitos mami. The pricing of inventory can only be described as a cross between a garage sale and Ace Hardware after your Uncle, twice removed, takes you to buy fireworks on July 5th. The Arizona Iced Tea selection rivals the variety of spices the great Marco Polo wrestled from the severed bodies of chinamen. Truly the melting pot of candy, chips, and soft drinks, almost an exact allegory of what our Founding Fathers wanted this great country to be. It is of our highest recommendation that if you find yourself within a 50 mile radius, make sure you stop by to say hello to mami for me.